We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
