I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
