i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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