You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Someone signed my nipple.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
