so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
