I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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