I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
