Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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