Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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