Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
