so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
