I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
