She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
