Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
