You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
