if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im part way to drunk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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