Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
