Soap is not a condiment
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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