I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
