what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
