i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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