So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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