I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
