Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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