I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
