I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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