That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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