she woke up with a sticky ear
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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