fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He did a backflip because drugs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
