To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
