SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize