Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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