Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
