I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
