why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
