for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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