I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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