I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize