its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
