nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
