An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
