I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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