I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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