I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
