i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize