I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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