about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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