Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize