you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
