im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
