High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
