do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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