So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
