This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
