Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize