Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
