apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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