she was so not down for the gang bang
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
