My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize