Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
