I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
