your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
