have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
