YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
