So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
