"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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