May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
