Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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