your thong is hanging out like whoa
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
