I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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