Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
