dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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