At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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