so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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