she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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