I want you more than these girls want KFC
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
