why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize