She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
