Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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