sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
