And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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