So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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