It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize