i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
