oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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