so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
