dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
