she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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