ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
