He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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