I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
