Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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