I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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