Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
