I CAN MOONWALK!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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