How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
