I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
