I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
