it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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