I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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