Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize