Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
