Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
