"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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