Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
