i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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