I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
