im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
