I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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