I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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